What Lies Beneath?

Sisters and Acolytes

June is upon us and I feel we should celebrate the warmer weather and sunshine in true British (and Oirish) style by removing the clothing from our Lord's *praise be his name and ten-inch* torso and gaze in awe and wonder at the deliciousness of the chest hair that lies beneath.

We know that the Lord's hair in other places has the effect of destroying bloomers and causing the Sisters many hours in solitary confinement with only her spatula for company contemplating bad thoughts. The rufflable bedhead, the strokable stubble, those sidies that we could ski down... they all have their place in the photo album of pervitude.

Now it is the turn of that most secretive and shy growth across the Lord's most perfect pecs that we must turn our attention to. Imagine Sisters, laying your head on that warm mass of curls, hearing the steady beat of the Lord's heart and feeling the rise and fall of His chest against your cheek. I will not continue this thought in public, though I am sure you are wayyyy ahead of me in what happens next... I shall find myself a dark corner of the room to meditate on the many possibilities. I may be some time, a search party is not necessary thank you.

I bloody love the Summer!

Tennant x

The Lord bestows great gifts

Sisters and Acolytes

*Praise be to the Lord and his Ten-inch*. Instead of sitting around drawing his dole money since leaving the set of DW last week, it seems the Lord has found gainful employment already (take note Child!!!)

This week has seen a flurry of Google News alerts for the Lord fill the Sisters' inboxes.

Firstly we had news that the Lord's vocal talents were going to be used once more in a cartoon version of the Doctor (to keep the wee kidlets happy). We ignored the fact that the Child had thrown a temper tantrum in order to be given the part of Cassie Rice.

We were then treated to news that the Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* was to *guest star* in a two part SJA adventure in the Autumn. So more fun for the kidlets.... when was the Lord going to take the Sisters' request for 18+ rated work seriously?

The move towards such work was nearer on Thursday night when it was revealed via little feathered tweety things that the Lord was in the BBC studios in a red velvet jacket trimmed with holly. It seems Xmas comes twice a year for auntie beeb! The Lord was recording on Sir Stephen Fry's quite magnificent game show QI. It seems out Lord wasn't averse to making some smutty comments such as:

SF: It starts with the human scrotum

DT: Doesn't everything

I do hope not too much of his smut ends up on the cutting room floor.

Finally, the news we have all been praying for came on Friday and the T'interweb went into meltdown. The BBC and RSC to film Hamlet with the whole Stratford ensemble on location. To be shown on BBC2 later this year (aka xmas) and DVD available after air date. The Sisters are rejoicing... memories of our Stratford weekend are surfacing from the depths of our minds. What was it again that I shouted at the Stage Door when the Lord didn't come out???

We are imagining the barefoot tux; the red T-shirt with midriff showing, the tighty whity fencing jacket; the tied to a chair *wheeeeeeeeee*; the "cunt - try matters" quote (oh wouldn't that be a fantastic ring tone!!!!)

It is now the weekend and this Sister needs to take stock of the weeks events ... in a darkened room with Casanova and a spatula!

Tennant x

Bank Holiday Blogging

Sisters and Acolytes

So another bank holiday has come and gone and the Lord has bestowed gifts upon the sisterhood.

On Saturday our (Time) Lord *praise be his name and Teninch* surprised a DW fan with an unscheduled appearance on the Tardis set just to remind everyone that it is still HIS TARDIS until 2010. The sisters' hearts were a-racing when he poked his head through the door and laid a hand on the fortunate's shoulder. We notice that the spacehopper T shirt seems to be in favour at the moment. Maybe our Lord is pining for Derren Brown?

As an added bonus to set us up for returning to the world of work tomorrow, the BBC sneaked a programme narrated by the Lord into the schedules this evening. It was by chance that this Sister, keen on hearing the news of dirty deeds from the Palace of Westminster, remained on the flagship channel one to hear the Lord's words of wisdom. He was explaining about doctors and everest and pulmonary odema or something. I didnt pay much attention to the images of rugged men wrapped in anoraks, I was marvelling at how the Lord can make near death experiences seem very sexy! He should narrate more BBC programmes, or read the news, or be the voice of the speaking clock.... Ok, sorry getting a little carried away and hysterical now!

So, it would have been a very acceptable bank holibobs (we even got some sunshine) if it were not for a certain Child causing trouble. And I'm not talking about the Princess of Darkness for a change. No I am talking about The Child of the Devil, popping up and spoiling the fun for everyone. Firstly she tags along on a boys night out in Cardiff. There is John happily shaking his booty for all to see, being supported from the balcony by best mate David and who is seen loitering in the dark? Yes, you guessed it, the blonde bimbo herself, looking less than impressed at the Lord making a fool of himself in a Team Barrowman T shirt and waving like a mad fanboi when the spotlight picks him out of the crowd!

As if this were not enough, we then hear news that she is to *star* in a new Doctor Who animated adventure with our Time Lord. As Jenny? I hear you asking. No, Jenny is clearly been left behind in time and space, abandoned, unloved, unwanted *snigger snigger* The Child is portraying a character called Cassie Rice - sounds like number 56 from my local chinese restuarant! Is this her swan-song? Will the Lord finally realise that she is leaching the life, the career and (as evidence from the Baftas would indicate) the awards from Him?

Sisters and Acolytes the time has come to pray for the Lord like you have never prayed before. Spatulas in hand I call to you to kneel before the 40" altar and chant with me

*Ditch the Child*

*Ditch the Child*

*Ditch the Child*

Lord the Sisters are waiting for you .....

Tennant

How quickly the Mighty Ten-Inch doth fall

Sisters and Acolytes

As we near the magical date of 22 May when the Lord of Time *praise be his name and teninch* will rise into the sky and transform into a floppy haired toddler, pictures emerge of how the Lord's life is undergoing a radical change.

On Thursday, our Lord Teninch is snapped emerging from F*cking Gordon F*cking Ramsey's place at F*cking Claridges clad in the Holy White Pinstripe Jacket being pursued relentlessly by the paps of her Majesty's Gutter Press. You will be pleased to see, Sisters, that as he is chased down the street, he does not stop to retrieve a Child, so either she was home in bed as it was a school night, or he was happy for her to be trampled by the photographers! Either way, it is a result!

Merely one day later, another picture emerges showing that the Lord is not adjusting well to the thought of life after *Who*. This picture shows our Lord, clearly the worse for drink, trudging the streets of Cardiff looking for where he parked the TARDIS.

It appears that he is about to revisit the dodgy curry he had in the Raj Mahal an hour earlier with the (female) producer of a quaint US show on Public Broadcast Service channel. She was impressed with his ability to *nail* his characters and he was persuaded to cross the pond by her promise to line up a whole new female payroll in Virginia.

We trust our Acolytes in the colonies will repay our generosity in the past, by uploading any visions and moving images of our Lord which appear on their screen to the sacred You-don't-Tube in the Fall.

Tennant (for now) x

The Parable of the Lord and the Child

Sisters

The above pictures bear witness to the parable of the Lord and the Child which was recounted from the Pulpit at the Festival Church Hall last Sunday.

As my Sister has so kindly reported earlier in the week, the Lord's name was not taken in vain and he was not honoured with a craven image during the overlong service... much to the disapproval of the congregation and the Sisters in particular.

However, as the Sister alluded to in her earlier post, a most interesting story emerged after the sermon had finished as everyone was leaving the church hall full of Holy Water and Communion Wine. As we can see from the above pictures, the Lord was unhappy with the behaviour of some younger members of his flock and gave them a good talking to before they were allowed to go home to bed. I am sure he was reminding this particular child of the devil of the TEN Commandments:

1) Thou shall always walk 10 paces behind thy Lord when out in public
2) Thou shall not address me by any pet names or in any way indicate that we are anything more than colleagues
3) Thou shall not hold my hand under any circumstances
4) Thou shall not give me clothing advice
5) Thou shall bring crayons and a colouring book to keep thyself amused when the grown -ups are talking
6) Thou shall NEVER interrupt me
7) Thou shall NEVER question my judgement nor my opinions
8) Thou shall NEVER sponge of thy elders
9) Thou shall honour me and obey me in all things
10) Thou shall not covet my career; thou shall get thy fucking own.

If she doesn't like these commandments, well she knows where the door is! BYE BYE :)

And the moral of this story is that the Lord really does need an older woman who can chuck his bloody commandments out of the window of his Toyota Penis along with the sparkly T shirts and baseball caps.

Tennant x

Who's not a happy bunny?

Sisters and Acolytes

Sunday last, the Sisters gathered at the 40" altar patiently awaiting new holy visions and wise words from the Lord 10" (Praise be upon his name and 10"). Sitting with spatula in hand it was not long before the Sisterhood were rewarded with the sight of the holy velvet and sacred stubble. Across the land many pairs of bloomers combusted at such visions before their eyes.

The Lord seemed to be in jovial mood, and sat beside him was a wee child who had been given a treat and allowed to wear her Sunday best dress to the party and sit with the grown ups. She was very good as the people running the event gave her a colouring book and some crayons to keep her quiet. Many awards were bestowed upon the plastic people of tellyland, who accepted graciously and thanked all their luvvie friends for being luvvies. All was well until our loves efforts were nominated and looked over for super luvvie, Kenny the Bragga and his Van der Valk rip off. (BOOOOOOOOO!) How very dare they!!! Nomination 2 came and the Sisters clutched onto their sonics and offered prayers of pervedom to the universe that our beloved would triumph; No such luck, again our Lord's efforts were overlooked for some drama about a girl and her relationship with a scarf upon her head. The Sisters were disgusted with the powers that be and immediately declared unholy Jihad upon them.

Just as the could take no more a big surpirse arrived and our Lord came out to present an award to Ms T for being an all round good egg. Standing before the great unwashed of luvviedom our Love addressed the nation. The sight of stubble was too much in one night and I must confess to having to punish myself many times for such naughty thoughts.

The evening ended and then the members of her majesty's gutter press paps came out to play. Reports the next day claim our Lord was none too pleased at the end result and faces were pulled. The Sisters have their own take on events post awards. These include the child was over tired and needed to be taken home early as it was play school in the morning. Tantrums were had because she wasn't allowed to walk down the red carpet. Someone had crayoned on the wall....

Until next time.

Tennant.

Only for the true believers

Sisters,

The Lord of Time *praise be his name and ten-inch* has been snapped in foreign lands getting ready to go to sleep. The Lord sorely tempts the Sisters with this Vision of Pervitude and we may need to take ourselves off to a place of solitude and commune with spatula and plastic sheeting.

I trust that he has a grotty old T shirt on just in case of a Fire Alarm in the middle of the night. I also assume that under that cream duvet he has a lovely pair of red Calvin Klein boxers on. I can just picture them now... *drifts off into X rated day-dream*

Let's hope that the Lord has more things that he wants to commit to video diary whilst lying a-bed either in Cardiff or North London over the coming specials. Next time, a non-T-shirt version would be much appreciated!

Sorry I really must go now.... my bloomers have just self-destructed!

Tennant x